Outside the Norm, But Still “Mainstream”

I live in a community where everything is more or less a binary understanding of things: men and women, white and not-white (no I’m not trying to be racist), English and other languages, religious and pagan… the list goes on. With such binary understandings of life, I grew up in an example of the Black and White Fallacy, where everything seems to only have two mutually-exclusive categories and that’s it.

However, all my life I’ve been fairly androgynous. In fact, I was inadvertently encouraged to be. My mother dressed me up in jeans and t-shirts up until I could pick my own clothes or had a uniform I needed to wear; I’d only look socially feminine when it was time to get my picture taken. She never seemed to care if I was boyish or mistaken as a boy growing up (because that happened on the frequent when I was an infant). As I grew, she “trained” me in belching, played football and basketball with me (my brother and my dad included), let me hunt for fishing bait with my dad and brother, and even let me watch Marvel movies alongside Disney princesses ones. She encouraged me to be quirky and authentic, to never be afraid to “play like a boy,” even if my other family members wanted me to behave like a lady.

Androgyny, where I come from, is still rather novel. Not many people in my home area represent “true” androgyny or the mixture of masculine and feminine traits. Its rarity makes it hard to understand on a larger scale, causing my own androgyny to be a stressful topic to combat.

Thankfully, over the past couple of years, I have discovered a way to help myself “come to terms” with my androgyny: cosplay. The art of cosplaying has really proven to be a great help with my gender attribution of gender-neutral/genderfluid. I can be whoever I wish to be.

October 13th (or Friday the 13th), I dressed up in a suit that made me appear more masculine instead of feminine. I shoot a picture to a few of my friends and they all liked my appearance; even people exceptionally close to me liked my appearance (which I half-expected.) What I didn’t expect was to get told that I wasn’t allowed to walk around in boy clothes every day. I had to reply, “It’s just a costume, nothing permanent.”

Even though I was raised like a gender-neutral existence, I was being denied my very existence right in front of me. And it hurt because I knew that wasn’t the intended expression, but that was the implication. To be honest, I felt awful about myself afterward. I felt like there was some part of me that was trying to trick me into thinking I was only meant to be female and not my natural androgynous self.

I’m not trying to be mean, spiteful, vindictive, or anything of the like; I’m just expressing my own personal struggle. And even though this post is a bit on the heavy side, please feel free to comment and share its message. 🙂




A quick blog

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to get internally isolated from the rest of the world?

What I mean is that it feels like you’re physically in the real world, but suddenly your mind gets lost and you don’t know why it does this. My mind is like this.

It sucks, feeling like all of a sudden, you cannot partake in the real world. At random, this feeling separates my attention, sucking me into a vortex that I don’t recognize; I never remember what happens during this “fazing out” from wherever my mind vanishes or the real world. It’s like my brain goes into white noise or an area where nothing exists, and yet I start feeling my chest constrict and my body going into fight or flight mode.

The real world will vanish, but my body is still seemingly able to respond to the panic, despite my ignorance of the cause. I’m glad it does, to be honest. If not, my friends would probably think that I need to be hospitalized or that I’m insane.

Also, it’s hard to admit when this stuff happens. Normally the responses are pretty polarized: either extremely in-your-face helpful or completely ableist. Just because one is vocal about it doesn’t mean they are seeking attention. Just because someone says, “yeah, I have anxiety,” but appears to be normal, doesn’t mean the anxiety isn’t real. Just because it isn’t visible doesn’t mean it’s not real.


Mental illness is just as crippling as physical ones.


This has been a PSA

Mental Struggles

Typically I try to avoid posts like these, but I feel like even those in the Geekdom Realm are more than able to relate to the concept of this post. An iffy topic like this isn’t always easy to approach, mind you. I had to think long, hard, critically, and preparedly in order to write this article.  So here goes everything.

I suffer from anxiety, and it is high-functioning anxiety. This means that my anxiety is typically managed by me trying to do other tasks, or that managing my anxiety looks like I am dazing out into space. On the outside I appear, in all aspects, completely fine and problem-free. While on the inside, I am full of insecurity about the stupidest of things. And I know these things are stupid, but I can’t just turn off a switch to worry them, and medication doesn’t help fix the problem rather than it helps control it.

Whether or not you believe that anxiety is all in my head. Or that I am saying this simply because I may want attention or more followers. I can tell you that you are more than welcome to think as you will. I can’t stop you.

But, my anxiety is not the only problem. Sometimes, things like anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand. When they tend to overlap, it starts to make me feel as though I am incompetent, unable to be the person that I am asked to be. And it doesn’t matter sometimes, because it could get so bad to where it seems like your bed is your only friend and that sleep is your only escape from it all.

Please, for any of you who think that this kind of illness isn’t really a disease, please take into consideration that humans adapt to the environment to which they are exposed. Your environment effects how you talk, your word choice, your body language, your choice of fashion, your eating habits… It has such an effect on the majority of your life that you don’t notice it.

I notice mine, because my worldview will change when the anxiety kicks in. The way I see the world turns into a complete 180-degree opposite viewpoint. That, my friends, is scary beyond compare. When my entire mood changes for no obvious reason, and then I cannot figure out what has triggered the ongoing feeling, I get scared for my life.

So, I say again. PLEASE don’t brush off mental illnesses or just say, “Take your medicine”. You’re not helping the problem. You’re part of the problem by doing that. Even if you’re not quite convinced of the validity of mental illness, that is unimportant. What’s more important: your view being correct or making sure someone close to maintains the will to live? Even for just one more day?

This marks the end of my PSA.


The Upcoming Election

I know this isn’t very geek related, but it is a pertinent issue that has been flooding, assaulting, and raiding every aspect of social media. The upcoming election is holding the VA primaries March 1st, and I’m seeing people on my Facebook page saying things like, “if you support [pick a candidate] then unfriend me.” Truthfully, I think this is a childish way to act over beliefs and ideals. I may be an idealist myself, but I am not an ass like these people.

You guys, my nerdly audience, never seem to respond for whatever reason. But I’m still going to say that you’re more than welcome to put in your two cents without any retort from me.

Thanks for reading!


Marriage Equality, Social Explosion, and a Fireworks Show

Good morning The Geekdom. Sorry that I’ve been so late to the party, but since I am I’ve decided to wrap up three important current events in one post. So, please, bear with me.

Topic 1: Marriage

On 29 May 2015, the Supreme Court dictated that the forbiddance of homosexual marriage was unlawful and unjust, and officially declared any marriage or knot-tying between any two persons valid in all 50 states. I deem that a step forward in today’s economy (and I understand that not all of you will agree with me). But, nonetheless, if the USA is supposed to be the “land of the free and the home of the brave” as stated in our national anthem, then we have to honor what that says, even if it means sacrificing certain opinions to guarantee the freedom we seek.

After all, freedom doesn’t come free. 🙂

I understand as well that I am surrounded by many Christian believers who are disgusted by this act of justice, who are also saying that it is not “true love”. In that case I must argue the opposite. Homosexuals, Bis, Pans, and asexuals cannot control for whom they have feelings, and there is scientific data and evidentiary support backing it up. So, to reply to their disgust: It is not your life so why does it matter to you? Just let people be happy.

Topic 2: Social Networking

Upon the revelation of marriage equality being legal, the social network’s bandwidth nearly exploded as hundreds of thousands–straights and gays alike–celebrated their victory in public. It seems to be the start of a revolution.

In lieu to Facebook and other networks being bombarded by the lovers, another riot has broken out over the social media nationwide. The Confederate Flag, which is the symbol of Southern pride and hospitality, is deemed to be racist because of the Charleston “massacre” earlier this year. Granted the event was tragic, but no grudges were held against the man who killed the nine churchgoers. Nor did the meaning behind the Confederate Battle flag change because of it.

Many folks from the darker skintone don’t see that the people who have stimulating conversations with them and respect the “rebel” flag are not racists or trying to make them feel appreciated because they are second class. Like every flag this one has a history and is a symbol that is often misinterpreted by people of society. Me, personally, I never saw it as racist. I never thought race was a social separator until I discovered racist children and adults bullying those of the darker skin.

Due to the offense people have taken to this symbol of heritage, many major stores are planning or have already taken action. They’re removing it from all large-scale outlets. Though, they don’t realize, the more you forbid something, the more it is desired. You can’t force a nation to do anything if you show no respect for opinions.

So, to wrap this up, I don’t understand why people refuse to see that, despite people who are racist are flying this flag, so are people who think that racism is crap. I mean, I have dark-skinned family members who fly that flag.

Topic 3: 4th of July

Strangely I am transitioning into the American national holiday known for fireworks and beer. Why? Two reasons:

  1. 4th of July is like an early birthday celebration for me. One that I don’t have to plan.
  2. It’s the easiest present for my Aunt, who was born on July 4th.

But, I realized that this national celebration relates with the previous topic: pride in my nation. Because, if the Confederate Flag was to be illegal (and it is a sign of celebration of upbringing (that isn’t necessarily racist)) then shouldn’t having any pride in this country be considered illegal? It’s just a question.

Anyway, I should sign off for now until I find a new topic to post about. If this sparks up a debate, please be respectful of those you are arguing with. Thank you.



Mixing the Generations

Okay. I am an older generation mentally and by heart, but I’m very adept to new age equipment.
I still read books, I still watch 90’s cartoons, and I even enjoy movies from the 70’s and 80’s. My music taste is from the grungy, in your face 1990’s and yet I can manipulate the technology of today’s generations of the 00’s and the 2010’s.

So I can probably say that you might be wondering why I’m  posting this, well as a geek i have fonded myself with specific niches and hobbies that I feel are acquired to my mental processing. One of those niches would be technology. At 17 years old i have basically mastered Windows OS 8.1, the latest Microsoft Office software, and the pathways of the Samsung Galaxy smartphone series. Needless to say that I have definitely been through hell trying to understand them as I fiddled with the spawns of Evil starting out.

This post, “Mixing Generations,”is all about the ways older generations can possibly be up-to-date in a rapidly advancing, competition investing, world of enterprise.

So allow me to officially begin. Older generations are often seen as outdated and the newer ones as misunderstood, when in all reality both are the latter of this spectrum. Each have their ideas which are novel and strange to the other because of the way society advances and changes in the blink of an eye. But sometimes, I believe these barriers can be broken if people become more open minded to the ideas of now and the simplicities that they can become.

For example, I am typing this post on the new Galaxy S6, or at least it is new for the time that I’m writing this, and come from an old soul mindset with a different set of values than the kids of today. I know this system as if I’ve had it for months now and it’s only been two days since my upgrade was gotten.

When I was younger, I had to work for what I wanted or just not get it, and was taught that money is a privilege to not be thought of lightly. I didn’t have much then and still don’t, but I don’t strive to have the best in order to top someone else or to be seen as “cool”. That’s not in my nature.

Many of my friends and family operate like this, too, but are not technologically inclined like I am. The easiest way to overcome this wall is to see things through the eyes of the youmger generation so that we older generations aren’t left to choke on the dust of their wheels. Granted, it’s  not easy to change the way traditions are viewed, but it’s worth a shot.

If this upsets any of you readers, I dearly apologize; if it inspires, then I’m glad. This kind of transition will, of course, take time to commit and involve those of generations past, but it also puts us as a nation, and as people, one step closer to an understanding national community.

Thank you,


Sexuality: An Exhausted Topic to Continue

Hello all my fellow people, followers, and outcasts! A warning to all who continue: This post has been researched, understood, interviewed, and discussed beforehand by my own power. If you choose to proceed, I mean to demean no person and am trying to make a point. Commenting of your point of view and arguments is accepted and expected from any and all who read.

Without further ado, my post.

Today, I’m going to discuss a topic that has been on my mind for a while now: sexuality.

I already know the dangers, politically and socially, that come as a package deal with this topic, and I still choose to continue on. Firstly, to state my opinion, I think that the idea of sexual racism has been overextended and is far beyond its “necessity” of argumentation. It’s not a debate, it’s fact, that people have different chemical balances within the brain that are irreversible and cause them to behave differently than others; but that doesn’t mean that these people are inhuman, of wrong decision, or (from certain religious perspectives) committing an open sin.

That kind of closed-minded lens is exactly the reason why many people I know feel uncomfortable to admit their sexuality or even try to admit they believe they could be the wrong gender. What world or nation are we if we simply single out what is unappealing to us individually?

We cannot blame one individual for not appealing to our tastes and beliefs because we are not that person. Each of us is a unique and beautiful person on our own in this mine field called Life. And it is not pleasant at all to constantly feel like you’re on trial for something you cannot help. However, just because we don’t like one thing, or we are not “wired” the way that the other person is, does not give us the right–as a public–to bash them or turn it into a high-intensity “debate” that brings nothing but hostility, stupidity, and a wedge of segregation into play.

I agree with the pop singer Jessie J and her outlook on this topic.

I want young people to know that they can belong – whatever your culture, your religion, your sexuality – that you can live life how you want to live it and feel comfortable how you are. ~Jessie J

I’ll admit straight out that I am no longer Christian like my family. I am not atheist, though. And even when I was a Christian, I saw the arguments over this topic, for lack of a better terminology, stupid and downright idiotic to continue. That, my friends, was almost 6 years ago, when I discovered that one of the kids older than me was homosexual, and that one of my ex-boyfriend’s parents was a lesbian. I was cool with it, because it wasn’t my place to judge how they lived their lives.

Later on, I learned about the chemical “imbalances” that caused the different kinds of sexuality, and accepted that I couldn’t change it and embraced the many friends that I later discovered were either homosexual or some other kind of sexuality that I didn’t completely understand. But these arguments? They have got to stop. It is absolutely boorish, short-sighted, and judgmental to just say that just because someone isn’t heterosexual automatically makes them a human being who has made wrong choices and refuses to follow the path that Life meant to create.

As far as I see it, Life is simply a series of obstacles and obstructions that are meant to cause us to look into ourselves and question what the world decides to tell us is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. It makes truly no sense that people are still trying to make an argument about Gay Rights or ban Homosexuality and others of the such because it’s something that can’t be changed or eliminated.

It may not be “normal” but it is very much “human” and should just be dropped as a topic for arguing.

So, to prove that I researched both sides of this case, I’ll elaborate on the Pro-Hetero arguments that I personally believe are not able to be argued about.

1. Homosexuality goes against religion, as said by Leviticus 20:13.

Okay. So that’s what the Bible says. But I’ve heard of the Bible being comparable to the Constitution of the United States, but in reference to Christian followers. That book is too old for Christians to try to date, and it has been translated individually so many times that it is nearly impossible to know the true meaning. So, allow me to pull out my own counterargument: the necessary-and-proper clause.

This particular clause was assigned to the Constitution of the United States, stating that if the country saw it “necessary and proper” to apply an action that was not explicitly stated in the Constitution, that the government would be allowed to carry out said action. The Bible, in my opinion, should be no different. Also, we live in a very diverse society and culture in the U.S. and should embrace the statement that was made by the Founding (Christian) Fathers about “all men were created equal”.

2. Homosexuality is a choice and an open sin towards the Lord Almighty.

I cannot emphasize this enough: A PERSON’S SEXUALITY IS NOT THEIR CHOICE! It has been scientifically proven, and yet old-fashioned “bumpkins” with overly-conservative mindsets refuse to even look at collected data and test results that physically show that any sort of sexuality is not a choice. Like I’ve said before, you can’t blame someone for something that displeases you. Likewise, a person should not be judged by something they cannot willingly control.

3. Homosexuals are a disgrace to the idea of what makes a human being.

And, yes, I have heard many religious and traditional people yell this aloud before. This is probably the most flawed argument I have seen out of the three I have to dissect.

Flaw #1: this is faulty because any -sexuals are still humans and cannot further disgrace what we have already disgraced of ourselves as a society.

Flaw #2: trying to answer a question with a philosophical controversy. It doesn’t work. There is not much anyone can say that can convince me (a very avid philosophy student and sociopolitical activist) that a different mental balance can “disgrace” an already multicultural and diverse population.

Flaw #3: the word “disgrace”. That only disgrace that would exist is the fact that this sentence was just uttered.

Now, I’m not bashing anyone’s beliefs. I’m just pointing out my research and understanding of a topic that shouldn’t be as controversial as trying to figure if a zebra is black-on-white or white-on-black. It’s like skin color, you can’t change how you were born.

And that, my people, is a NERD’s perspective on another social misconception and political debate.

Reading Fiction is a Social Experience

Holy shizz-biscuits, nerds and bookworms EVERYWHERE! This article i s freaking amazing! Check out the link below about an Emory student’s science experiment about the psychological affectations of reading Fiction-like novels. It also explains why literary fiction is better psychologically than popular fiction!

via Science Shows Something Surprising About People Who Still Read Fiction – Mic.

Admin Ocie

Be Loud. Be Proud. Be “You”nique

I’ll admit, I may be an amiable person, but there are a lot of people who don’t like me for no legitimate reason; my judgment is that I’m obnoxiously annoying in the eyes of most people. I have a kind of inflection that says to back off and leave me alone when I talk, that is who I am without saying anything more.

I have an ultimate rule I follow, a particular motto I use as a guide: Be loud and be proud. I am obnoxious by sound because my voice is very loud and projected outward; I am a social person with anyone, nobody is considered a stranger in my eyes because I believe there is good in all people. The rule is my shining light other than my faith which I am open about; people may not think or recognize I am agnostic (but basically Buddhist) because I do not act like it at all.

I am not religious, religion is a man-made constitution that tries to comprehend spirituality and to an extent it can but I do not see myself as religious because I feel more spiritual than religious. I believe that your faith should not make you feel restricted, it should lift you up and make you feel freer than you ever have felt. If any of you have a changed view of me due to this post, I can’t say I’m sorry because it doesn’t affect me.

Not a natural born speaker despite loving to talk, I am “brilliant” on paper; with a pen or pencil, I can speak novels and volumes of pieces, topics, genres, etc. My vivid and active imagination allows me to be able to speak my mind and create stories and such atop the edge of my mind’s creative ability.

I am not afraid to express myself in every way possible: whether it be singing, drawing, dancing, writing, speech, theatre or clothing. I want to make a statement for myself that makes me not only remembered as a person, but different causing me to be remembered as an icon of sorts.

A pessimistic/verbally abusive pacifist, I roam the depths of the world not knowing what I will step into and embracing the unknown, happy to discover the meaning of things. What is the purpose of us? Why are we here, put on this Earth, our homeland? I ask a lot of questions like that hoping for answers, discovering that there is no universal response to them.

I am brutally honest, more blunt than a baseball bat, and pretty rude/straightforward (your choice). I like to belch and be disgusting, but it’s natural after all. People who think they can change me are most definitely wrong because I am more stubborn than a pack mule, and I am unafraid of my social differences being compared to my society’s preferences and standards.

That is pretty much me in a nutshell, besides the fact that I believe no one is actually “sane” and perfection and normality are just not achievable ideals.

A nerd. A geek. A dork. A freak. Psycho. Crazy. Everything in between. Can’t be changed. Hard-set mind. This is who I am.

Who are you?

Post who you are on your blog. Right here in the comments or a post if it’ll allow you. Link your “Be Loud Be Proud” post to my blog. Comment your opinion. I’m always all ears for something new you guys!

Ocie Marie, Main Admin to the NERD Blog.